YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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