It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
