It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
