i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
