The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
