I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she pinky promised me she was 18
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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