I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
