Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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