In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
