know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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