Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
