just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
