I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
