i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
