woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
