it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
