I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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