How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
