I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You left your phone here
Wait...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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