so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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