You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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