Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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