It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
