this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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