I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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