Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
