The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
