Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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