So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
