I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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