I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
