this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
