I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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