We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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