oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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