Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
