thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
