The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
