question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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