This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
