apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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