You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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