His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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