Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
