in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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