Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
