K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
