If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
