It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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