the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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