Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize