and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
