If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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