In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
