As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
