her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
