how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
