I'm really into asian looking animals
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
