I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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