the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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