True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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