What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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