New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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