she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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