Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
