They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
