Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
